Routine
by Jaegar
Summary: It was horrible, it wouldn't stop, it kept repeating... And she kept following. AU-ish.


Hey people, glad you have clicked onto my story~! By the way, the story is AU-ish...

Warning: Involves unrequited love, unhappy endings, shoujo ai. You have been warned so don't read and comment "omg, so depressing what's wrong with you!" or "Ewww.... Shoujo ai" and things alike.

Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this story; they are all from Final Fantasy, which belongs to Square Enix.

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"_It's as if I'm an ouroboros… _

_The snake which eats its own tail, always going around in circles,_

_To be subjected to always repeat the same actions, time and time again,_

_Painful, yet it can't stop as it is forever bound to its routine_

…_Just like me"_

She opened the front door, a smile etched upon her face. Removing her shoes she placed them upon the shoe rack. She looked around confused as to why nobody was home; shoving her hands in her pockets Tifa walked aimlessly around, humming a happy tune.

Passing the mirror, she looked around before checking out her appearance. Her vanity streak however halted when she saw in the mirror something on the dining table, she turned and walked towards the table, grimacing at the discovery.

A note on the table, scrawled with words by penmanship Tifa knew all to well, lying on the dining table. Her crimson eyes glanced at the shoe rack, and saw the worn out black shoes that were taking residence there seemed to have 'vanished'… A note, and missing shoes, a regular occurrence she did** not** appreciate.

'Again,' she thought, running a hand through her thick black hair 'He left _again_…'.

She crumpled the paper and threw it into the bin, seeing that a pair of brown boots was also missing from the rack. Her vibrant eyes dulled, knowing Aerith already knew.

Walking to the backdoor, Tifa was unsurprised that it was unlatched; she _always_ went to the garden when he left. The door creaked as he opened it; the sound ringed in her ears as if mocking her. A shameless mockery for always being the one who stays strong, the one who makes everything better, the one who listens, and the one… The one who would be damned if she ever broke down and placed her innermost desires to action.

Shaking out of her self pity, she closed the door after stepping outside, relishing the cool fresh breeze of the night. Walking about, she found Aerith in the midst of violets, yellow tulips and an overwhelming amount of anemones.

'How fitting,' she thought.

Her back was turned away from Tifa, but she knew from her tremors she was crying. Touching her shoulder Tifa saddened at the fact she didn't yelp or tense up from the sudden contact, even if it wasn't surprising. She had already lost count of how many times she has done the same gesture to comfort her when he left, as she had lost count on how many times Cloud had left.

Aerith turned around, displaying her tear-streaked face to Tifa, before desperately hugging her.

Tifa drew a sharp breath, heartbeat quickening at the amount of **contact**.

Aerith would not let go, desperate to rid the pain that the man she loved left again, that she wasn't enough of a purpose to stay. She held her, adjusting quickly to the situation (and a feeling a little pang of guilt for enjoying it), stroking her and whispering sweet nothings to calm her.

After her trembles and sobs subsided Tifa unknowingly lowered her head, her lips, towards Aerith's forehead before stopping a mere cm short, realizing what she had almost done.

'Shit' Tifa thought, tensing up 'I almost gave into my desires'. Inhaling her scent, Tifa found it harder to object her desires 'Remember Tifa, remember, she's like, your best friend since childhood's girl, and even if you love her too, right now in her time of need is not the time to tell her' she thought. Regaining her composure, Tifa took a step backwards to look at her.

She was breathless at the sight.

Though Aerith's face showed signs that it had recently shed tears, though her brown hair was mussed up, and her clothes stained with dirt… She was still as gorgeous as ever in Tifa's eyes, her heart rattled in the confines of it's bone cage once again, 'Fuck, she's too damn beautiful, or maybe I like her just too damn much'.

After another look over, she wondered how the hell Cloud could even _dream_ about leaving this woman, no, goddess, for even a second and even more so to actually do it.

Snapping out of her reverie, she entwined their fingers and led her back to the house, relishing the contact, albeit ashamed at how she was slightly taking advantage of the situation. Although Aerith didn't know (and would never **ever** know Tifa mentally vowed), she knew that it wasn't simply a gesture to comfort her during her time of need, it was also a personal gain being able to touch his object of affection once again. Once inside, they unlaced their fingers, and moved to their respective rooms after bidding each other goodnight.

Tifa's fingers felt cold.

Locking her door, Tifa went to the bathroom, undressed and turned on the shower. The moment she stepped in, Tifa was happy she could feign that the water which ran down on her face was only from the shower head, and not partly from her eyes. She stood there, feeling the water hit her body, and trying to _forget_. Forget the fact, that though she truly does loves Cloud, she also detests him slightly... Not for capturing Aerith's heart (alright, maybe a little, Tifa confessed to herself), but for continually leaving Aerith to find 'himself', as Aerith dies a little every time and yet she is useless to stop it.

Useless as Aerith loves him and not her, and no matter what happens she will always be loyal to Cloud. Even if she, Tifa, is the one who comforts her, who takes care of her, who knows _everything_ about her, yet it doesn't_ fucking_ matter. She loves Cloud, Cloud who doesn't even remember her birthday

... And deep inside, useless as Tifa knows in truth she feeds off the aftermath of the sick routine, how it gives her chances to touch Aerith in ways that would never have happened otherwise, and being to excuse said touches as 'gestures of comfort'... Only one phrase could Tifa use to describe her reasoning.

Four words.

_Complete and utter bullshit_.

She clenched her fists, trembling with agony. 'Why couldn't she love me?' Tifa thought in frustration, 'I would give her the world and more if I knew how…' She sunk to her knees, knowing the answer already. "They fit… Destined to be, the 'prince' and 'princess', I just…. I just don't fit the bill, I'm just the friend, her prince's best friend, a person who wouldn't even be considered…" she whispered to herself softly, chuckling mirthlessly.

She hung her head, holding it in place with her hands, knees bent and back pressed to the wall.... And Tifa wished. Wished for the shower water would be loud enough to drown out the world, wished that the water which beats her bare body would also beat her feelings out of her…

But mostly, she wished for what she knew would never be, for this routine to stop…

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Listen, this is my first fic, so even it sucks, please don't flame. Constructive criticism is fine though…

Also sorry if the character's are OOC, I did this for someone and I never actually played FF7. So I apologize.

Anyways, thank you for reading it, and I hope you enjoyed it!


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